saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
