so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
