I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
