So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize