I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
