I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Did I show you my penis last night?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
