Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
