i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
