New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
