did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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