he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
