I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
