Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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