We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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