the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
