Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
