I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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