I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Boobs are out for the taking
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize