i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
