Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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