He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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