He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
