i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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