Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
