My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
