You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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