i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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