i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
only if we run a train.
done.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Is Oprah even human
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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