i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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