i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
