I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
