Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
