remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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