That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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