How'd it feel making her break her religion?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize