took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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