careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
