dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
