Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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