My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
