Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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