Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
How external is "for external use only"?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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