Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
