A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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