The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize