Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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