I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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