In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
