its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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