ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
