OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
