Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I love having hate sex.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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