"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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