What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
