Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
