I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
