i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
