1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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