His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
