im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
