If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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