He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
