DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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