direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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