I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize