the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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