My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
