I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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