just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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