Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
