I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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