it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize