hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
