I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Randomize