If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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