I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Someone shattered a urinal.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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