You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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