Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
