i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
