Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
