Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I got chris browned last night
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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