yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
