So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
is that a dick in a sweater?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
