i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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