The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
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