i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
please come you make the beer taste better
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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