doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I think I just sharted jello shots
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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