the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
