Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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