end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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