i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I have already put on my inside pants.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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