Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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