talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize