i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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